Star Wars-- Episode III: Oh, Snap

A/N: A little humor now. I wrote this senior year in about five minutes. It's about how Leia came to be adopted by Bail Organa. It was inspired by the fact that I feel so sorry for poor Bail, and that in the ROTJ novel Leia mentions an infant memory of hiding in a trunk. I don't know if they're going to use that at all in ROTS (probably not), but I came up with this, and I thought it was pretty good for having been written in five minutes. No spoilers (duh).

INT. Tantive IV. Imperial forces board; Bail Organa meets them. They begin to search the ship. One trooper opens a trunk.

BAIL: Oh, snap.
TROOPER 1: Look, sir. Baby.
BAIL: My word, how did that get in there?
TROOPER 2: Whose baby is this?
BAIL: Definitely not Padmé Amidala's, if that's what you're thinking. Everbody knows she never had a baby or two.
OFFICER: Do you know where this baby came from, Senator Organa?
BAIL: Uh... Yes, that's... mine.
OFFICER: Yours?
BAIL: Yes, sir, that's my baby. No sir, don't mean maybe. Sir.
OFFICER: Where did it come from?
BAIL: Well, you see, sir, when two consenting adults love each other very much...
OFFICER: But who is its mother?
BAIL: Well, as I was explaining to this man here, certainly not Senator Amidala, sir.
OFFICER: Of course not, but who is?
BAIL: Perhaps I killed a Jedi and took it from him.
OFFICER: ...
BAIL: Or I adopted it. Her. I adopted her.
OFFICER: I didn't know that you were interested in children, Senator.
BAIL: No sir, neither did I. But apparently, I am. Isn't it wonderful?
OFFICER: Very. But why was she inside of a trunk?
BAIL: She's a surprise, sir.
OFFICER: A... surprise?
BAIL: For the people of Alderaan!
(Bail takes Leia out of the trunk and holds her.)
OFFICER: I see. Well, congratulations.
BAIL: Thank you.
OFFICER: What is her name?
BAIL: Who? Oh, her. Right. Leia... uh, Organa, I guess. 'Cause it's not "Skywalker."
OFFICER: Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan. Well done.
BAIL: And if you're thinking that "Leia" is a Naboo name, well, you're crazy. Because it's not.
OFFICER: Very well, Senator. I congratulate you again. Move along, gentlemen. Absolutely nothing suspicious here.
(Bail looks down at little baby Leia as if to say, "Well... what now?" Leia looks happy because she does not have to go to Tatooine. Yet. But, sooner or later, everyone goes to Tatooine. Realizing this-- plus the fact that her mother is dead, her father's a Sith, her brother is gone, and she's faced with 18 years of this guy who, let's face it, is probably gay-- she begins to cry. Bail puts her back in the trunk and walks away.)
BAIL: The Force hates me.

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