Surrender Ch. 1: Republic Cruiser (Part 2: Anakin)

A/N: Please read part 1 before reading this part. It's only eight pages, twelve counting this, but I know you guys are busy with AP and stuff.
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Anakin couldn't rest. His feelings, violent and confused, flashed from love for Padmé to hatred for Dooku at lightning speed. Only Padmé's presence had soothed him, just as it always did, and now she was gone.

Still, she had come to him. Until the moment she had stepped into his room and told him that she loved him, he hadn't known if he would ever see her again.

But his hand... he stared again at his severed arm as though willing it to become whole again. That he could never have back, nor his mother, nor his innocence. All of that was gone.

As these dark thoughts swirled through Anakin's mind, the door once again whirred and slid open. He looked up into the solemn face of his Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan said nothing, and Anakin responded with a defiant, angry silence. He wasn't sure why he was angry with his Master; perhaps he was simply angry with everyone. Or nearly everyone.

"How are you, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked at last. He looked tired, Anakin thought, and concerned. He felt his anger gently melt away. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've lost an arm, Master."

"You will recover," the Jedi said firmly, looking Anakin in the eyes to address his greatest fear. "I promise you, you don't need to worry about that. You'll have a prosthetic that you'll learn to use just as well as your own."

"Good," Anakin replied sullenly, and a little relieved. "Because when I find Count Dooku again, I would very much like to kill him."

"Control your anger, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, disapproval in his voice.

Anakin nearly exploded into rage. How dare he say that now, as Anakin lay there with one arm gone? What could he possibly know of anger? How could Obi-Wan know about his mother and the Sandpeople, about the terrible rage and the tremendous power? Instead, clenching his teeth, he said, "I'll try, Master."

"Good." Obi-Wan seemed as willing to drop that topic as Anakin was. "Is there anything you need, for now? We'll be on Coruscant in a few hours."

"No, Master."

Obi-Wan looked down and picked at the bedcoverings. He cleared his throat. "Although you should have listened to me and done as you were instructed..." he hesitated, "I want you to know that I was very impressed with your fighting today. Or yesterday. Blast, I don't know what time it is."

Anakin couldn't help but smile, partly from gratification and partly at his Master's evident discomfort. "Thank you, Master."

"No, I should thank you. It seems a time or two, in all the confusion, you may have inadvertently saved my life."

"I believe you may have saved mine, also."

"Well, we'll call it even, then."

"Yes, Master."

There was a pause. Finally Obi-Wan looked up again.

"I have a question," he said slowly, "that has been bothering me. I'm going to ask it, and whatever you tell me, I promise to save the lecture for later."

"All right." Anakin had some idea of what was coming. He was either going to ask if he was involved with Padmé or...

"What in blazes were you doing on Tatooine?"

Or that.

"I wasn't disobeying my mandate. Padmé was with me."

"That almost makes it worse. That planet is dangerous."

"This is beginning to sound a bit like lecturing."

Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation. "Did you go to see your mother?"

The atmosphere in the room abruptly changed as Anakin tensed. "She was suffering. I could feel her pain." He felt tears beginning to gather in his eyes, and could suddenly barely speak. "If I'd gone sooner, maybe..." He didn't want to talk about this, not now, not anymore. "... maybe she'd still be alive."

Obi-Wan's eyes conveyed the surprise his face did not. "How did it happen?" he quietly asked.

"The Tusken Raiders took her. They tied her and beat her..." A well of hot anger began to churn in the pit of his stomach. "I went to save her, but I couldn't..." He couldn't go on. He knew he was crying now, and the last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of his Master. But Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder, surprisingly gentle.

"I'm sorry, Anakin. I know how much she meant to you."

Anakin nodded through his tears, thinking, No, you don't. You can never know. But he was thankful for his Master's words of comfort. He needed them.

After a moment of silence, Obi-Wan said, "You can take as much time as you need. To recover," he added, nodding to Anakin's arm. "I'll see that the Jedi Council allows it."

"Thank you." Ready or not, Anakin realized, this was his chance. "Master, I'd... I'd like to spend that time on Naboo."

"What?" Obi-Wan turned sharply to Anakin, who took a breath and plunged on.

"I mean in the interest of finishing my assignment. I think I should escort Padmé back to Naboo after her business on Coruscant is done."

"Anakin, has Senator Amidala," he put a cool emphasis on the name, "been to see you?"

"No, Master." Anakin continued with his argument so as not to let Obi-Wan catch the lie. "It's just that it was my first assignment and I think I should be allowed to finish it. Afterward I thought I'd stay on the planet because it's beautiful, and feels more like home to me than Tatooine ever did. I think I could heal there, Master."

Obi-Wan looked at him, calculating, for a long time. When Anakin's gaze finally wavered he sighed, turned away from the padawan, and stood up, hands behind his back, staring at the wall.

"It is true that Nute Gunray must not be pleased at the Senator's escape."

Anakin waited for something further, but nothing came. "Are you saying I have permission? I can go?"

"I am saying," Obi-Wan turned back to him, "that your charge may still be in danger and that if you feel up to it, it is your obligation to complete your assignment and accompany her back to her home planet. After that, take some time. Say goodbye. And that will be all." The words held a very definite meaning. "Do you understand me, Anakin?"

"Yes, Master." Anakin tried to sound properly abashed, but his heart was soaring. He didn't have to appeal to the Jedi Council or sneak away. He didn't even have to explain. He was allowed to go to Naboo. For some reason-- pity or guilt or both-- Obi-Wan was letting him go.

"Now..." The Jedi Knight seemed to be choking back the urge to warn him against doing anything stupid. "get some rest."

He stood and turned for the door. Anakin was suddenly seized by the urge to stop him and tell him everything-- what had happened after his mother died, the horrible loss of control... He had tried to explain it to Padmé, but only another Jedi could really understand. He called out, "Master!"

"Yes, Anakin?" Obi-Wan turned back, looking as though he had half expected to be stopped.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "I... nothing."

"Is there something else you wanted to tell me?"

He's nervous about Padmé, Anakin realized. He's dying to ask, but he won't now. And then another realization: If he knew everything, it would only be worse. He'd keep me on Coruscant, watch me every minute...

"No. Just... if you see a confused protocol droid wandering around... That's mine."

Obi-Wan's already troubled expression darkened, but he nodded and left Anakin alone again.

He couldn't tell Obi-Wan about the slaughter at the Tusken camp. He didn't want to face his Master's disapproval or the pain that would come from reliving it. He didn't want to go through that again. But most of all... he couldn't tell Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan would understand. It wasn't like telling Padmé, because Obi-Wan would realize what Anakin knew-- that he had touched the dark side, felt its power more strong and consuming and real than anything he had ever known... that it frightened him. And it fascinated him.

But knowing that he held a secret from his Master made him feel stronger.

If he could keep such secrets... perhaps he would not have to say another goodbye.


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