Surrender Ch. 4: Naboo Royal Starship (Part 2: Proposal/ Part 3: Acceptance)

A/N: I realized that if I didn't post these two parts at once, this would actually be completely posted on ff.net before on here.
******

Anakin followed Padmé to the nearest viewport, where they watched the surreal light of hyperspace turn into the streaks of passing stars, which gradually gave way to the brilliant emerald orb of Naboo in the distance.

“It’s beautiful,” Padmé said. “No matter how many times I see it like this, I’m always awed by how beautiful it is, awed to think that I live there.”

“Most planets look the same to me from this far away,” Anakin told her.

“Not to me. To me, Naboo is special. It looks like a jewel.”

Anakin couldn’t argue. And, holding Padmé so close to him, not resisting his touch, leaning her head against his chest, he quickly began to agree. Even from a distance, Naboo was a special, beautiful place.

“What do we do when we get there?” he asked.

Padmé frowned a little, thinking. “A meeting with Queen Jamillia and the Council, which shouldn’t take long if all goes well. Then we can go back to the lake retreat, and stay there for a day or so. After that, my parents will expect us. Be prepared for even more food than last time-- Mom will want to reward you for bringing me back safely.”

“By feeding me until I explode?” he asked incredulously, and Padmé laughed. Anakin gloried in the sound.

“Where was your favorite place as a kid?” he asked. It was like a game they’d played ever since they’d first become reacquainted. Ask a question, any question—your favorite? your first?—and the other had to answer with the truth. Then it was their turn to ask. It could go on for hours, as they explored one another’s thoughts, feelings, and souls, always wanting to know more.

Now Padmé smiled gently at a distant memory. “There was a corner in the garden wall where the flowers concealed a little space. I was the only person who ever went there, and nobody was able to find me. Not even Sola. I’d watch her look for me for what seemed like hours sometimes, but I never came out until I was good and ready.”

“I hid from Watto in corners of the scrap yard all the time. I knew all the ins and outs of those junk piles.”

“Even when I joined the Apprentice Legislature, I’d still hide there, when I just wanted to be a kid. When I was tired of acting like a Senatorial delegate.” She sighed. “I wish I could go back there sometimes now.”

“Why can’t you?”

She gave a half-smile. “I outgrew it. When I was twelve and I became Princess of Theed, I told myself I had to be a responsible adult and never go back there, even when I wanted to. After all, I was in charge of an entire city. I did try again, when I was fourteen. It was right after the Blockade Crisis. But I couldn’t fit anymore, it was too small. That was when I knew there was no going back, because I was grown up…” She trailed off, staring out at the stars and the approaching planet. “I was fourteen.”

Naboo now occupied most of the viewport.

Anakin nodded. “I realized I was grown up the day I first had to use my lightsaber as a weapon against another person. But a part of me has always felt like I was never a child, or anyway not like other children.”

“Yes.” She looked somehow so sad now. He had to take the game in a different direction.

“What do you want most in the galaxy, Padmé? More than anything?” He saw the flicker of a smile return to her face at the earnestness in his voice.

“If I tell you, you’ll say I’m boring.”

“I’ll do no such thing, m’lady. But don’t say ‘peace.’ Something just for yourself.”

“Fine.” Her eyes traveled back to the viewport, gazing at the planet’s glowing greens and blues. “I want a family and a home of my own, in some quiet corner of Naboo.” Her voice was low and almost hypnotic, bringing the images clearly to Anakin’s mind. “I want to be free of obligations and be able to do whatever I feel like and live an utterly normal life--”

Anakin scoffed. “Normal? With you around?”

“All right, a comparatively normal life… and be happy.” She gave him a defiant look. “That is my most selfish desire.”

“You deserve to have it.”

She shrugged, trying to make light of the situation. “Some things aren’t meant to be. At least not anytime soon.” She looked up at him. “And you, Jedi Skywalker? What do you want more than anything in the galaxy?”

Mesmerized by her beauty, her grace, her eyes, the utter perfection that was Padmé, he answered without thinking. “I want to marry you.”

Padmé froze. She released herself from Anakin’s embrace and stepped back, staring at him. Her face was locked in a perplexed expression, her mouth retaining the ghost of an unsure smile.

Shaking her head, she said, “Ani… what…?”

He should take it back, he knew. He should laugh it off and say that he wasn’t being serious. But… now that he’d said it, he didn’t want to. It was true.

The realization caught even him off guard. Yet nothing had ever seemed so clear, so right. He was more happy, more content with Padmé than anywhere else. The passionate fire of her spirit excited him. Her very presence soothed him. His whole world hung on her every glance, and she accepted him even at his worst. She loved him. He’d loved her since the moment he’d seen her. And ever since that moment, hadn’t he known that this day must one day come? Yes. He had known they would be together, known through the Force that it was their unlikely destiny since as a nine-year-old slave he’d looked at the beautiful young Queen and said, “I’m going to marry you.”

So instead of dismissing the words he’d spoken, he looked deeply into Padmé’s wide brown eyes. She wasn’t smiling now. Neither was he.

“Marry me, Padmé. Will you marry me?”

******

Padmé stared at Anakin Skywalker, unable to speak. At that moment, a parade of shaaks could have wandered by and she couldn’t have moved. She probably wouldn’t even have noticed. It was impossible that he’d asked her what she had just heard him ask. Through a dreamlike haze she heard him say, “Padmé?” and the sound jolted her out of her numbness. She shook her head. What did you say? seemed like an acceptable way to begin, but she had no doubt in her mind as to what he’d said.

What she found herself saying was, “Are you being serious?”

“Yes. I mean it.”

“You just asked me in all seriousness to marry you.”

“Yes, I did.”

Her throat felt very tight. She wanted to sit down, but there was no place to do so. Instead, she managed to shout, “Ani! Have you completely lost your mind?”

“Maybe.” He was grinning. “Maybe I have, but I think I like it.”

“Marriage is expressly forbidden by the Jedi Order, and you are a Jedi, Anakin, although you seem to keep forgetting that fact!”

“I don’t care about the Code. It’s outdated and ineffective, and this is more important than an archaic set of rules. It’s the will of the Force, I’m sure of it.”

The will of the Force. Some vast, fated plan that not even the Jedi could fully comprehend. Padmé had never believed in such things before. Yet now, suddenly, she thought of the look that Master Yoda had given her on the Republic Cruiser going back to Coruscant, the emotions she’d seen sweep across his aged face—anger, understanding, sadness, and at last a kind of resignation, as though he’d looked into the depths of her soul and found something in her that had left him heartbroken. What did Yoda see? She felt dizzy, swept along by something bigger than herself, something she couldn’t understand. Her instinct was to fight it, to combat it with reason.

“Are you going to leave the Jedi?” she asked him. She wasn’t sure what she wanted him to answer.

Anakin looked a little surprised. “They wouldn’t find out. They need me, they’re busy, they…”

“Anakin.”

He took a deep breath, looked her in the eyes. “If it comes to that… yes. I’d do anything for you. Anything you ask.”

The angry words burst forth at once. “I can’t let you leave the Jedi Order!” Aware that she probably sounded hysterical, she lowered her voice. “You’re a gifted Jedi, Ani, you have so much promise. You are not going to lose all of that just for me! I’m not worth that.”

“Yes, you are. Padmé, we love each other. All that’s standing between us is that I’m a Jedi. Well, I don’t have to be.”

“Yes, you do.” She felt weary now, tired of explaining this over and over. “It’s not something you can just stop. You could leave the Order, but you’d still be a Jedi inside, unable to act as one, and you’d resent me…”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he responded bluntly.

“And what about all of the innocent people who might suffer because you’re not there to help them?”

“And what about you?” he countered. “Wouldn’t you suffer if I chose those duties over you? I know that I would.”

“You should never have boarded this ship,” she said softly. “We should have just left it alone.”

“And gone our whole lives wondering?”

How is it possible that I’m losing this debate? she wondered. Maybe because I’m not sure I want to win. The thought brought her up short. This was insane, all of it. Even if he wasn’t a Jedi, even if she wasn’t a Senator, they’d spent perhaps a collective three weeks together over the past decade. That was too fast to fall in love, and certainly too fast to be arguing about marriage. Yet here they were, and she loved him, and they were having this argument. And if he hadn’t been a Jedi and she hadn’t been a Senator, would Padmé Naberrie have said yes to his proposal? In a heartbeat.

There had to be some other way, some balance that could be struck, a fine line that they could walk. She was frantically trying to find it, so far without success, and she was getting frustrated. Why am I the one who’s always supposed to know the answers? There was no right answer here, none at all.

“Why can’t we just… love one another?” she asked. “Isn’t that enough?”

“You know it’s not. Besides, I wouldn’t want to… dishonor you that way.” He blushed. “And when I leave to fight this war… I’ll have to fight, Padmé, and I want to know that… that you belong to me, that you’ll still be… we’ll be joined together, even if it’s in a way no one else can see.”

The war. Padmé had forgotten about it, somehow. There would be a war. And Anakin, her Ani, would have to fight. What if he was hurt again? What if… the thought chilled her. She could lose him forever… without ever having really had him, without any formal acknowledgement of a bond between them. She had to reach out and touch him, just to assure herself that he was still there.

So it would have to be now. If they were to do this, it would have to be now. This was the point where a choice would have to be made. Standing on the Naboo Royal Starship, the geographic features of the main Naboo landmass growing clearer through the viewport, Padmé knew that there could be no going back.

She would have to tell him no. They both had too much to lose.

And yet… how much would they lose if she refused him now? What would her life be, if she always did what was best for others and never for herself? If she always did what was expected of Senator Amidala and never what made Padmé happy? Life was so fleeting and precious. She thought of her handmaiden Cordé, her friend, and how she’d watched her die on the landing platform on Coruscant. She looked out at the surface of Naboo, thought of the billions of little lives being carried out there. Had any one of them ever felt a love like this?

On Geonosis she had given up trying to comprehend what existed between her and Anakin because she’d thought they were going to die, and it hadn’t mattered anymore. When they’d come back alive, it had suddenly mattered very much. Yet it had proven itself to be stronger than she’d ever thought it could be. It didn’t make sense, she still didn’t know if it was right, but it was there, and now… she surrendered to it.

The galaxy was soon to be consumed by war and chaos; who knew how much time they had? Padmé Amidala was going to live her life by her heart, just this once, this most important time.

“I love you, Ani. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You couldn’t lose me now if you tried,” he said.

“You asked me what I want more than anything. I want to be with you. I want you.”

He smiled a little. “Even though with me life will never be boring and normal?”

“Yes. Even then. Even if it means we have to suffer in secret. Even if we’ll be punished for it. Even if it does destroy us…” Conflicting emotions washed over her in waves, and tears came to her eyes.

“Are you saying yes?” Anakin’s smile was growing, and Padmé found herself slowly smiling in return.

“Yes.” She couldn’t believe she was saying it, couldn’t believe how much she had wanted to say it all along. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

They were grinning, she was laughing for the pure joy of it, and then she was in his arms. He was kissing her deeply, passionately, and she wasn’t sure whether he’d lifted her off the floor or she simply felt like she was floating.

They broke apart when Ric Olié’s voice came on over the comm to inform them that the ship was landing. They’d entered Naboo’s atmosphere.

“How soon?” Padmé asked Anakin breathlessly.

“How soon can you be ready?”


Star Wars is the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm. I mean no infringement and make no profit. Please do not copy or republish Erin's work without her express written permission. Thank you!