Surrender Ch. 2: Coruscant I (Part 3: The Fight)

A/N: Introducing the Verandah of Forbidden Love! Get to know it. Make friends. You'll be seeing it again.

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Padmé sat in the main room of her apartment, slowly making her way through the enormous stack of datapads and holodisks which had piled up in her absence. It seemed there were endless messages to answer, reports to analyze, and information to organize. First she'd contacted her family, assuring them of her safety as convincingly and concisely as possible.

"But Padmé, when are you coming home?"

She sighed at her mother's concerned expression. "Soon."

"Padmé..."

"I have to go, Mom."

Then a transmission to Queen Jamillia and the Royal Council. Sio Bibble was, as usual, irate about the whole situation, but the Queen was solemn and focused. Padmé did not doubt her capability to calm and prepare the people of Naboo in the face of the coming war.

"But when can we expect to have you back with us, Senator?"

"I don't... Soon. I don't know."

Then she had attacked her work, being interrupted only once, by Dormé. The handmaiden approached hesitantly.

"I sorted out all of the messages from the media and responded with 'no comment,' pending a report from the Chancellor's office."

"Thank you, Dormé." A few seconds later, Padmé looked up to see her still there, fidgeting nervously.

"M'lady... I was kissing Captain Typho."

"Yes, I noticed."

"I'm so sorry!" she burst forth in a sudden deluge of words. "We never meant for it to happen, it just did, while we were here alone, and then when we heard what happened to you--" she broke off and drew a breath. "We agreed not to go on with it, we decided it would be too dangerous, for you, if we were to get distracted by... But then... oh, I'm so sorry!"

"Dormé." Padmé reached out for her friend's hand. "It's all right."

"No, it isn't. It's unprofessional, and hazardous, and... and wrong."

"No." Padmé searched Dormé's face and smiled. "You like him." The handmaiden nodded, blushing. "I understand." More than you know, she added mentally. "We can't choose who we fall in love with... even if we'd like to. It just happens, it takes over, regardless of timing or place or rules..." She stopped herself. "I trust you. Both of you. I feel completely safe in your hands, no matter what."

Dormé broke into a radiant smile. "Typho was too embarrassed to come out and look you in the face. It was actually very funny."

"Well, that would be an undesirable quality in a security guard. Why don't you go sort him out?"

The two shared a sisterly hug and Dormé went, beaming, from the room.

And then Padmé buried herself in data and files because it was horrible to feel jealous of Dormé's present happiness, and it was silly to cry because of her own loneliness and longing. In short, it was pointless to become wrapped up in thoughts of Anakin when there was so much to do. So much.

She did not mark the passage of time as she worked, aside from a vague awareness of growing frustration and exhaustion as the hours dragged past. She only realized how long she'd been at it when it suddenly occurred to her that she was nodding off, and she sat up sharply to find that the sun had already nearly set.

As she rose and stretched a tone indicated the presence of someone at the door. Threepio went to answer it. When Padmé looked up again there was a figure standing patiently in the center of the room, his face lit by the rapidly sinking sun.

"Anakin," she breathed. Almost before she realized she was moving, her feet had carried her to within two steps of the Jedi padawan, and there she stopped, suddenly nervous, unsure of how to proceed. In every free moment, though they had been few and far between, she'd had to stop herself from fantasizing that he'd walk through the door, and now here he was. It had been nearly two days since they'd last been together. It seemed so much longer. Neither of them knew what to say, how to begin.

"I came to see you," Anakin stated the obvious. "To see that... you're all right." His left hand slowly reached out, touched her right. Gently, it traveled up her arm, finally resting on her cheek as her fingers caught it and held it tight. He whispered, "You're all right." It' sounded like, You're beautiful.

She brought his hand down and wrapped it in both of hers. "Are you?" She could hear her voice trembling. "Should you be here? Ani, how did you get in?"

That mischievous little half-smile. "I'm well enough that they told me to return to my quarters for the night. I just took the long way."

"A scenic detour." Padmé smiled.

"Exactly." Gradually, they were drawing closer and closer together. "As to how I got in..." he shrugged, "a Jedi can get in just about anywhere." Padmé shook her head, but the smile didn't leave her face.

"Come with me." Still holding his hand in hers, she pulled him out onto the apartment's verandah, explaining, "We won't be disturbed out here." The open, airy verandah seemed filled with deep golden light. As Anakin surveyed the glowing city, Padmé's eyes, for the first time since his arrival, traveled down. "Your arm?"

With some reluctance, he removed his hand from her grasp to raise his right sleeve, and the light played off the polished metal of his new prosthetic.

For a moment she could not keep her face from contorting in a sort of shock, like a bolt of pain to the heart. She composed herself immediately, but she knew Anakin had seen the look. He withdrew the hand, refusing to meet her eyes.

Timidly, she reached out and touched the gleaming metal fingers. "Does it hurt?"

"Not much." He glanced up. "But I've been given a lot of medication."

"Can you feel with it?"

"A little." She took the golden hand between her two living ones. His finger joints bent around them. Padmé smiled up at him, and he leaned down and kissed her.

"I've been granted permission to escort you home, m'lady. I can leave as soon as you give the word."

The verandah was falling into shadow now, the sun's light starting to fade and be replaced by the city lights of a Coruscant night. She turned away from him. There was a moment confused silence, then she felt Anakin touch her arm.

"When do we leave?" he asked. What should she say? What did she want to say? Or need to say? Her time with Anakin had been a dream, a beautiful dream, but now she had been thrown back into reality. So now would she have to wake up Anakin, too?

"Padmé?" he asked quietly.

"I... can't. I'm sorry. I can't."

"What do you mean?"

She turned back to him. "Ani, I can't go back to Naboo now."

"When, then?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I didn't realize... there's so much to do, I can't just leave."

Anakin quickly bridged the distance she'd put between them. "That's exactly why you should leave. And I want to go with you." She shook her head. "Padmé, you are a great leader, a great Senator. You serve your people every day. When was the last time you ever did anything for yourself?"

"Now you sound like my mother."

"Then maybe your mother's right. Can you answer my question?"

"Last week," she answered, raising her voice. "That time I spent in the Lake Country with you-- that was for myself. I was ready to throw away both of our futures, all for myself. Then a war started."

"Do you think that every time you turn your back a war is going to break out?" he asked. "Padmé, you couldn't have prevented this."

"I know that," she told him, although deep down she wasn't sure. "But now I have a responsibility. And you have a responsibility."

"I don't care. I love you."

"No, you don't." Her voice was soft, but cold.

"I know what I feel."

"No! You love like a child, Ani! You don't even know what love is!" The words hung in the air for a tense instant before Anakin responded.

"And you do?"

Padmé's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"You've never allowed yourself to feel anything for anyone because you're afraid--"

"Don't you dare!" she shouted. "You don't even know me!"

Anakin stared at her in disbelief. "Oh, I don't?"

"No." Padmé took a breath, purposely lowering her voice. "Just because I'm a childhood acquaintance doesn't mean--"

"I know you entered public service when you were eight," he interrupted. "I know your first kiss was from a boy named Palo when you were twelve. I know you love water and you used to spend holidays at Varykino. I know you think you were too young to run a planet when you did and that you feel like you missed a lot of things because of it. I know you love Naboo and your family, and you would do anything to protect either of them. I know you're crazy about your nieces and want a family of your own. I know you've dedicated your whole life to serving others and you think of everyone else before yourself. You care passionately about the Republic. But I know you're getting tired. What you secretly want is to escape from that life. You want a chance to be yourself. You want some excitement. You're a warrior who above all desires peace. I know that you throw yourself into your work to hide from things in life that make you scared or uncomfortable. I know you're afraid to let your guard down and allow yourself to love. I know that you're a hellion when you're angry. I know that you play with your hands and smooth your dress when you get nervous. I know all of this, and I know that I've loved you since I was nine years old and I will always love you. And I know that you love me, too."

Padmé shook her head slowly, blinking back tears. She fought to keep her composure under Anakin's pleading gaze. "It won't work. You know that. It just won't. Anakin..." Her voice broke. "I can't go back to Naboo now." He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him. "Don't, Anakin. Please, just go."

The padawan drew a shaking breath and nodded. "Fine, m'lady."

He turned and went, leaving her alone in the emptiness of the dark verandah.


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